Love your humor!
You should consider stand-up comedy :-]
Calvinism – 1001 ways to twist logic into an irrational pretzel.
I love his statement that he believes how in Theological Determinism – he can “know” that god is holding his hand. Obviously implying some form of divine benevolence directed towards himself.
However – that is total DOUBLE-THINK
Because one cannot possibly “know” that which is SECRET.
And Calvin’s god’s DESIGN for each individual is according to the SECRET council of his will.
Additionally – per Calvinism’s doctrine of the wheat and the chaff – the vast majority of Calvinists are specifically given a FALSE salvation.
John Calvin
-quote
“He holds it [Salvation] out as a savor of death, and as the occasion for severer condemnation”
” he illumines them only for a time to partake of it”
“and strikes them with even greater blindness”
On top of that with Theological Determinism – we have the irradiation of Libertarian Functionality – which is the ability to choose from a range of multiple options.
The ability to choose between TRUE vs FALSE for any proposition represents the quintessential definition of a Libertarian choice – which does not exist for the Theological Determinist.
Therefore he cannot rationally affirm (i.e. know) whether divine benevolence for him is TRUE or FALSE. The only thing he has in his mind – are divinely determined perceptions – which the THEOS determines him to perceive as TRUE or FALSE. He has no ability to determine either.
Per his own doctrine – the Calvinist has absolutely know way to affirm if any of the promises of scripture apply to himself or not. He can only know the SECRET will of god – after it comes to pass. If he – as Calvin says is -quote “doomed from the womb” – then he will know that is the case when he wakes up in the lake of fire.
God is Open 
Love your humor!
You should consider stand-up comedy :-]
Calvinism – 1001 ways to twist logic into an irrational pretzel.
I love his statement that he believes how in Theological Determinism – he can “know” that god is holding his hand. Obviously implying some form of divine benevolence directed towards himself.
However – that is total DOUBLE-THINK
Because one cannot possibly “know” that which is SECRET.
And Calvin’s god’s DESIGN for each individual is according to the SECRET council of his will.
Additionally – per Calvinism’s doctrine of the wheat and the chaff – the vast majority of Calvinists are specifically given a FALSE salvation.
John Calvin
-quote
“He holds it [Salvation] out as a savor of death, and as the occasion for severer condemnation”
” he illumines them only for a time to partake of it”
“and strikes them with even greater blindness”
On top of that with Theological Determinism – we have the irradiation of Libertarian Functionality – which is the ability to choose from a range of multiple options.
The ability to choose between TRUE vs FALSE for any proposition represents the quintessential definition of a Libertarian choice – which does not exist for the Theological Determinist.
Therefore he cannot rationally affirm (i.e. know) whether divine benevolence for him is TRUE or FALSE. The only thing he has in his mind – are divinely determined perceptions – which the THEOS determines him to perceive as TRUE or FALSE. He has no ability to determine either.
Per his own doctrine – the Calvinist has absolutely know way to affirm if any of the promises of scripture apply to himself or not. He can only know the SECRET will of god – after it comes to pass. If he – as Calvin says is -quote “doomed from the womb” – then he will know that is the case when he wakes up in the lake of fire.